


Until We Go Down

by sscaptainswan



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Aggravating, Angst, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, F/M, Hurt, M/M, Parabatai, Parabatai Feels, Set after Lady Midnight, Spoilers, stupid laws, the clave is annoying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-18 17:25:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9395630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sscaptainswan/pseuds/sscaptainswan
Summary: So, this is set after the cliffhanger in Lady Midnight. I will incorporate what on earth I believe Mark meant when he said what he did. This is gonna be pretty miserable for Jemma shippers at first, just a warning. I promise it will come eventually, though.





	1. By a Route Obscure and Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> I did not realize how much this would hurt to write, to have to write the pain both Emma and Jules will be feeling throughout this story and how it will effect their parabatai bond. I have high hopes so far, however, and am very excited to begin this story. Enjoy (:

* * *

"Why lie?" he said. 

Emma was confused. What did he mean? "What do you mean? I just told you." She asked, furrowing her eyebrows at the eldest Blackthorn brother. 

"Why lie about being in love, it could be real, if we tried hard enough." Mark explained, stepping closer to Emma. She took a deep breath. No one could ever make her feel the way Julian made her feel, Emma knew this. There would never be someone other than him for her, but it was too dangerous. So maybe, maybe she could try, maybe she could even pretend-

"Emma?" 

"I'm sorry, um well. I don't see the point in not trying, as we will be faking a relationship." Emma said with a sigh of defeat. Mark gave her a pretty smile. It wasn't as pretty as Julian's, though she didn't think anyone's smile would compare to his. 

"It should not be that difficult, you are a very beautiful woman, and you have a very true heart, it seems. You care very much for those you love, and always try to do what is best for them." Mark said softly. Emma forced a smile. She still wanted Cristina, still wanted to tell her about everything and cry on her shoulder because she was  _crushed._ She had to lie to Julian, lie to the person she loved most in the world and tell him that she in fact did not love him as much as she did. She did it for his safety, for everyone's safety really. She couldn't see herself and Julian getting to the point of turning into  _monsters_ but she really did not want to take that risk. At least not until she found out a way to keep it from happening.

"I am still growing used to this world and its customs again, what exactly should we do first? It cannot be rushed, correct? People will get suspicious?"  Mark questioned, trying to make sure he understood correctly. Emma nodded. 

"You should take me out, or maybe have one of the kids find us kissing or-" Emma was listing things that came to her mind. She deliberately left out anything pertaining to Julian seeing it for himself, right now at least. If Mark noticed this, he said nothing about it. 

"Maybe we should start with quiet dates, we shall not let anyone know until we have had a few. You know, just to test this." Mark suggested. Emma liked this plan. That way, when and if the kids ask where this came from, since they like to be little detectives, the two can say they had been keeping it a secret for a little bit, testing things. 

"Let's do that, but maybe tomorrow, I'm too tired from the recent events. Does that sound okay?" From the way that she spoke, Mark could tell that she was exhausted and to be honest, he was too. Who wouldn't be after all they went through?

"Of course, Emma." Mark nodded at her and left the room, leaving Emma alone in her room. She sighed to herself and laid on her back. She wondered now, the meaning of what Julian said, about different decisions he would make, about whether or not he would've wanted a _parabatai._ She wondered if it was because of how he felt.

Honestly, Emma can't say whether or not she would've made the same decision, because of their _parabatai_ bond, Julian was alive when he probably should've been dead, and the same goes for her. The Endurance rune that Julian gave her before Malcolm attacked her shouldn't have been able to save her. She knew now it was because of their love for one another, but either way, it couldn't have happened if they weren't _parabatai._ They should both be dead.

Deciding to stop dwelling on that, Emma texted Cristina, asking her to come into her room. Emma knew she had to tell someone, let her feelings out somehow, and since she can't go to Julian about this, considering it involved him, she would need to tell Cristina. She waited silently, staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Em?"

Sitting upright, Emma looked over at her door. "You got here fast." Emma stated, swinging her feet over the side of the bed.

"I was actually coming to talk to you when you texted me." Cristina explained, entering the room and shutting the door behind her. "You don't look well." She said with a small frown.

Emma rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the compliment." She huffed, blowing away a stray piece of her blonde hair.

Cristina ignored this. "What's the matter?" She asked, coming to sit beside Emma. Emma leaned her head on Cristina's shoulder as she began to explain what happened. She left out what Jem had said to her, for the most part. She only said it could be dangerous if they continued like they were, and Cristina didn't ask anymore about it. She told her about the plan with Mark, about how upset she knows Jules will be, and how it is going to crush her doing it. Cristina wondered, but did not question why, it had to be Mark. 

Speaking of, the dark haired girl was frowning even more now, and that frown only deepened when she heard Emma let out a small whimper. Stunned, Cristina patted her back gently, trying her best to comfort her newfound best friend. She had never seen Emma cry that she could remember and the fact that it was over this, over Julian, made it worse because there was not one thing she could do to try and help since she didn't understand how hard it must be. Cristina simply ran away from her heartbreak. A heartbreak that was quite unnecessary, for the most part, because now here he was and the whole ordeal was basically a big misunderstanding. Now, they were actually okay, but Cristina wouldn't mention that right now.

Emma can't do that though. While it may be neither of their faults that they can't be together, they still have to live in the same household, act as if nothing happened at all. Julian seemed pretty good at hiding what he was feeling, Emma as well, but for something as big as this, Cristina already knows it will not be an easy feat for either of them.

"Tina," Emma mumbled through her tears. "how did I let this happen? I pushed it away for so long, why couldn't I have just waited until Julian found a nice girl? Now it's all my fault that he is going to be upset, seeing me with Mark, Tina it will hurt him so bad." She cried, now clinging onto the material of the girl's shirt. She ran her fingers through Emma's hair lightly.

"That's why you chose Mark, isn't it." It was not really much of a question, more like a realization. Emma nodded feebly. 

"I wish I hadn't said anything about him, because now I'm basically asking you to lie to everyone, that is not something I should have done. I am so sorry." Emma sighed, lifting herself off the bed. "You do not have to lie to anyone, I will not ask that of you. I will just-"

"Emma, I will help you with this because you think it is the right thing to do. Do not worry." Cristina assured her, standing up as well and placing her hand on Emma's shoulder. 

"Thank you, thank you so much." Emma gave her a small, grateful smile before hugging her gently. "You can go now, if you'd like. I'm going to go for a run." Emma said, walking to her closet and grabbing a pair of black shorts and a white tank. The sun was setting, so it was getting cooler, but Emma wanted to feel the sting of the cold air on her legs and arms, hoping it would take her mind off everything right now. Cristina left the room, silently praying that Emma wouldn't get herself into trouble, even if she just was going to run. 

Once Cristina left, Emma changed and glamoured herself before she somehow managed to sneak out of the Institute without being noticed. As soon as she reached the beach, Emma took off in a sprint, her hair blowing out behind her as she did. It was unlike her to leave her hair down while she ran, but she couldn't have been bothered to braid it.  

Emma ran and ran until she was out of breath and farther from the Institute than she had intended. Sighing, Emma plopped down into the sand, looking out at the ocean. Emma felt sick. She laid down instead, stretching her arms out behind her head and looked at the stars. Slowly, Emma drifted to sleep, dreaming about her parents again. 


	2. Haunted by Ill Angels Only

* * *

Emma woke up to the feeling of someone shaking her awake. Groggily, Emma looked to see who was waking her. Her heart fell a bit when she saw that it was Mark. She was kind of hoping it was Julian.

"Is everyone alright?" Were the first words out of Emma's mouth, concerned as to why he woke her while she had been sleeping peacefully. Mark looked confused.

"I should be asking you if you are okay." He replied, his voice laced with a mixture of emotions Emma was far too tired to identify. After he said that, Emma realized that she was not lying in her bed at the Institute, but rather in the cold sand on the beach a little ways away from the Institute. She sat up immediately and looked around her. It was dark, probably around the middle of the night, and she was covered in sand.

"How long have I been out here?" She asked, kind of to herself more than to Mark.

"I don't know, Cristina came to me telling me that you had gone on a run and hadn't returned. She told me she was worried about you and so I went to find you." The male explained, extending his hand to help her up. Emma took it. She grimaced at the sand that fell off her body and the sand that still clung to it. As soon as she was pulled up, she released Mark's hand and dusted hers off. Her entire backside was covered in sand, and she desperately tried to rub it off.

"Well, thank you." Emma said gratefully. "What time is it, or rather, what time was it, when you left?" She asked, tilting her head to the side slightly as she tried to comb sand out of her hair.

"Almost twelve, I think." He said, watching her try to get the sand off. He brushed a little off her shoulder and she gave him a small smile. "Come on, let's get you back now." He said, placing his hand on her lower back and guiding her to the Institute. Emma followed him without a protest. She was slightly aggravated that she now had to take a shower, but she would get over it.

Once they were back, Emma immediately went to her room, though she thanked Mark again and said goodnight beforehand. She did her best not to track sand everywhere, but it was kind of hard to do, considering she was covered in it. When she reached her room, she made her way into the bathroom and shed her clothes. They landed in a sandy pile near the door. Emma made a mental note to wash them tomorrow.

She made her shower quick, wanting to get back to sleep as soon as possible. When she was done, she walked out with a towel wrapped around her body. She almost jumped out of her skin when she saw Julian sitting on her bed, thankfully facing away from her. She gasped and clutched the towel tighter to her body. "Julian!" She exclaimed much louder than she had intended. Her cheeks were bright red, much like his were as soon as he turned around and noticed she only had a towel around her. Not knowing what else to do, Emma turned around. "What the _hell_ are you doing here?"

Julian was too dumbstruck to even think to turn around, though he knew he should've. "I'm- I was coming to make sure you were alright." He stumbled with his words, a thing that has become more common with him when he was around her. "I'm sorry I figured you would have brought your clothes in with you." He mumbled sheepishly.

Emma sighed. She normally did, considering the Institute is mainly occupied by children who do not seem to know how to knock. She figured she wouldn't need to this time, though apparently she was wrong. "Just um, give me a minute?"

"No it's alright, I see that you're okay now, I'm sorry." Julian scratched the back of his head and Emma waited until she heard the door shut before she turned around. She let out a sigh of relief, glad she hadn't actually walked out naked. Deep down she knew she wouldn't have minded if she did, would've been embarrassing if she did at first, but she was _sure_ they'd both get over the embarrassment quick enough.

Shaking the thought of what might've happened out of her head, she changed into some clean pajamas, a simple t-shirt and pajama pants and went back to bed.

* * *

 

The next morning, Emma woke up to very disruptive and urgent knocking. Thinking that something was immediately wrong, Emma grabbed Cortana as she rolled out of bed and went to open the door. She knew she must've looked ridiculous, her hair most likely very wavy from sleeping with it wet, her clothes still crumpled and out of place, and just her outfit in general. Once the door swung open, Emma was met with a pancake batter covered Dru. She did her best to keep from laughing.

"Dru, what happened?" Emma asked, setting Cortana down by the door and walking out of the room to join her in the hall. Wordlessly, Dru took Emma's hand and led her into the kitchen. As the entered, Emma gasped. There was batter dripping from the counter to the floor and Tavvy was laughing. 

"Julian wasn't awake and we got hungry." Explained Livvy with a somewhat guilty smile. Emma ran hand through her messy hair. 

"You guys-"

" _What the hell happened in here?_ "

Emma turned around to see a very sleepy looking Julian. His hair was tousled and he was rubbing one of his eyes, probably trying to get used to the bright light of the kitchen. His pajamas were still messed up, much like her own, and he look very, very soft. Her heart clenched. 

"We were hungry and you were sleeping." One of the kids, Emma wasn't paying attention to which one it was, said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She was looking at Julian, even though she really shouldn't be right now. Julian looked at her. 

"Good morning, Emma." He nodded shortly, giving her a small smile. Emma returned the smile, her face flushing at the memory of last night. She was still embarrassed.

"Dru and Tavvy go get cleaned up, Livia help Tavvy if he needs it." Julian finally instructed, the children he called for getting up and going to clean themselves. "Ty, go try and get our new guest to come eat while Emma and I," He looked at her again, hoping she wouldn't mind. She didn't. "clean up the kitchen."

Ty left the room and Julian let out a sigh. He was smiling though, which was good.

"You clean the batter from the floor and I'll get the dishes." Julian said, pointing to the slowly growing pool of batter on the floor. 

Emma nodded silently and grabbed a rag to clean it. She quickly put her hair up in a lazy and very messy bun so her hair did not get in the batter while she cleaned. 

Meanwhile, Julian was grabbing the dishes the children had tried using to cook. There were more dirty than necessary, and it appeared as if they attempted to make the batter a few different times. He shook his head with a fond smile. They should've come and woke him up. They could've-

"By the Angel, what happened in here?" Came a voice from the entrance of the kitchen. Both Julian and Emma turned to see that it was Mark. Emma smiled at him, Julian just stared. Noticing Julian was not saying anything yet, Emma responded.

"The kids were hungry and they didn't wanna wake Julian." She explained, getting up off her knees and throwing away the paper towels she used to clean the floor. She grabbed a few more to clean the cabinets and counter top that still had batter on it. 

"Do you need any help cleaning?" Mark asked, walking closer to Emma. Julian turned back around and glared at the sink. 

"Emma and I are handling things fine, thank you though." He was still polite, even though he didn't want Mark here at all at this moment. Julian knew he was being ridiculous because Emma can be with whoever she wants. Not that Mark and Emma were together, but what Emma said-

"I will go check on the children then." The male decided, walking out of the room. Emma watched him leave before returning to cleaning. She didn't look at Julian again, even though she wanted to. When she walked past him to throw away the soiled paper towels again, their shoulders brushed and even that simple touch gave her goosebumps. This was going to  _much_ harder than she had anticipated. 


End file.
